to lead a free and happy life, with all the right people!♥♥♥

Saturday, May 06, 2006

dis past month, i have quite a few breakdown nites, juz like b4, crying my heart n eyes out alone in my dark room listening to jacky cheung's songs. yes, memories of him flood back worse than a tsunami can drown pple. i dunno y, i dunno how, i only know tt all i can do is only think, n den, forget. esp juz b4 e nite of me n junhao's first month anniversary, i came home ard 11plus, den unknowingly i juz broke down n really felt miserable. thoughts and memories of him came flowing back like a river. pain, i was so pain i called sis. (e 2nd time i miss call u lately was oso becox of dis, sis) i fell asleep after making my eyes so tired after dat.

today, tonight, only one month n ten days down my r/s with junhao, we have parted. yes, we have parted. he initiated e breakup. although it started juz becox of a missing lunch time call from me, but it brought up alot of things. dis is not e first time in dis short period dat we had such an argument, but i guess he's right after all. he said he's 100% committed into our r/s, but im not. i do not deny. he said he cherish our r/s much more than i do. i do not deny. he said he loved me so deep, yet he cant feel much love from me. again, i do not deny.

actually, i guess all along i've been deceiving myself. how can i possibly be with someone when i oredi cant love anymore, at least right now. i've been selfish to accept him, but sometimes i regret meeting him again, changing my decision to stay alone, swaying my heart to try accept someone else again. and when i did, he wanna leave me becox i was not committed enuff. yes, im wrong, but u shud haf known right from the start it would have been dis case cox u knew wad i went thru. if u know u cant accept it u really shudnt have keep persuading me to start. i've been a fool, n u are a bigger fool falling in love with a fool.

my deepest love has been given away, to someone i'll nv haf a future with, to someone gone with e past n e wind. n becox of dis, i've hurt someone who loves me, who showed mi concern n care when i was at my lowest. i guess e only compensation i can make to him, myself n all other innocent is to stay awake n alone from now on, but till when i oso do not know. i guess i was right after all. i needed much more time before i can start a new r/s. it was too fast. sisters, im sorry, i tried to immerse myself in a new r/s, only to hurt someone in e end n failed to be happy. but im lucky, i always count myself lucky dat i still have my two sis n buddies to walk me thru everything in life. friends r kisses blown to us by angels, n only friends n family r really for life. love? i dunno. n i dun tink so.

cant slp, really cant slp. n its 6plus am.

to lead a happy life at {5:36 AM}
________________ . . . . _______________

Crestfallen

*elaine
*e.MouSe
*26.jan.85
*emouse26@yahoo.com
*elaine_cheng26@hotmail.com
*uol year 3 student
*loves garfield
*loves fann wong
*loves pampering myself
*cherish people who heart me
*adores all pretty babes on earth

Yearning for

♥a peaceful life♥

now: yearning for a happy life and excellent results.

♥My Wish List♥

♥nice laptop pouch
♥good earphones
♥white tote
♥gold gucci tote
♥guess perfume
♥burberry weekend
♥trip to hongkong
♥trip to taiwan
♥trip to australia
♥trip to japan
♥lotsa money to buy things for myself & everybody i love

♥Dearies♥