to lead a free and happy life, with all the right people!♥♥♥

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

sigh, now is 5 plus oredi, n i haf not entered much of my chem study guide into my brain. here i am in front of the computer though i haf controlled myself not to switch it on. woke up super late today, ard 2pm. had a veri scary nightmare which i couldnt wake out of it.

i dreamt dat i was having a chem practical lesson in the lab, but strangely the classmates i pictured were all adults n even some were from China. i dunno wad experiment we were doing, but i noe the first step is to use a pipette n measure out some pink liquid. somehow my pipette had a problem n i was running around to borrow another pipette. in the end i had to go to a faraway lab to get one, and by the time i ran back some of my classmates were oredi leaving the lab for home coz they haf finished the expt. i was veri flustered n rushed to my seat n quickly tried to wash the pipette to start measuring. i was veri scared n realli kancheong coz i seemed to be the slowest, others were finishing their work. my hands were shaking as i used the pipette n i keep fumbling n had to restart n restart n restart. i was so nervous n flustered i tink my heart could haf jumped out of my mouth.

in the end i dunno how it ended but i woke up, wif my heart beating fast n i almost felt like crying. it was oredi 2plus when i woke up frm dis nightmare. wad a way to start my day, n after breakfast my head was feeling v heavy.

felt so giddy juz now, i dunno whether itz becoz i slept too much or realli becoz i haf anaemia. aniwae im lucki dat after a shower i felt much betta. for heavens sake, i realli hope i dun haf anaemia, which is wad ive been worrying abt the past few weeks from certain incidents.

aniwae, dats not impt. tried to study chem juz now but my progress is realli slow. tink im still pretty bothered abt the issues deep in my heart now, keep tinking wad shud i do, who shud i choose. haix. why am i such a failure. i had decided so strongly to stay alone n be alone throughout the rest of maybe dis year, but when i feel so vulnerable in front of studies n life once again, i cannot help but admit dat maybe ky has realli hit the nail, dat i was juz lying to myself.

seriously i dunno, i realli dunno. can i really be on my own? or do i really need somebody? need him? sometimes i feel it dis way, sometimes i believe i can do it on my own. sigh, now i juz wan to listen to some music to soothe myself, to haf a clear mind, and hope dat later i can study. heaven bless.

``if there is a mirror in heaven which reflects my heart, please let mi take a look, now.`

to lead a happy life at {5:21 PM}
________________ . . . . _______________

Crestfallen

*elaine
*e.MouSe
*26.jan.85
*emouse26@yahoo.com
*elaine_cheng26@hotmail.com
*uol year 3 student
*loves garfield
*loves fann wong
*loves pampering myself
*cherish people who heart me
*adores all pretty babes on earth

Yearning for

♥a peaceful life♥

now: yearning for a happy life and excellent results.

♥My Wish List♥

♥nice laptop pouch
♥good earphones
♥white tote
♥gold gucci tote
♥guess perfume
♥burberry weekend
♥trip to hongkong
♥trip to taiwan
♥trip to australia
♥trip to japan
♥lotsa money to buy things for myself & everybody i love

♥Dearies♥