to lead a free and happy life, with all the right people!♥♥♥

Sunday, April 25, 2004

finally got the chance to sit down here and get my thoughts into words. feeling so confused lately, can be hyper n happie one day, yet be sad n depressed another day. recently being veri stressed out n bothered by mainly 3 things: studies, love and health.

the tot of mi confirm retaking As saddens mi alot. xinyi told mi dat most accepted candidates receive letters from uni le. ming en they all got place in U le oso. so far i received: nothing. though ky told mi dat not everyone has received yet, i guess my chances are not high oso. i shud haf expected dis long ago, its onli dat expecting n accepting is different. now i go to the lib myself to study, but when i run into difficulties my confidence gets shaken really. sometimes i wonder if i will do well dis second round as private?

when my studies is in such a state, i dunno how i can put myself to handle relationship problems. dats y from the start when i got my results i suddenly got the urge to be alone, to be single, and even till veri long after i still feel like being single n not in any relationship. my breakup wif ky was mostly becoz of dis reason, but the other reason was his temper which sometimes make mi feel dat i dun wan to tolerate any more again.

but things arent so simple, esp when love is concerned. sometimes i feel dat my love life is in a mess, but sometimes i see it very clear n simple. the other day i juz asked heaven: why do you wan mi to meet wif dis two kinds of love?

one is ky, someone who loves mi more than any other person can, who truly cares for mi, and whom i wanna rely on n approach whenever i need help. he has the special connection wif mi, which was wad pulled us together right from the start in the past. but undeniably, we dun look compatible, though dis may not be a prob if wad we haf is true love n not superficial infatuation.

the other one is wei. someone whom i've liked for so mani years, waited for so mani years. den by 2001 i decided to give myself a chance to accept other pple. after i've been hurt, i dunno y but my mind n heart returned to him. until i was wif ky, i tot of him less n less as i noe dat we are not possible. juz after ky n mi ended, i saw him in mlysia again after almost 2yrs apart. he gave mi the most incredible moment when he told mi he loved mi for how mani years. i was surprised n happie for a long time. but now, i still feel dat ultimately we would not be able to work it out. our relationship would be something veri not feasible n not practical.

im asking heaven, asking my heart, wad is it do i wan realli? im veri confused oredi. i wan to be committed to someone i love faithfully, without for a moment harbouring the thought of being wif another person. but im asking myself which of the 2 of them is the one for mi?

wad wei and i haf, is purely feelings for each other. no matter how strong dat feeling is for each other, i noe dat everything else is incompatible between us. our distance n blood relation spells impossible for us to start anything at all.

wad ky and i haf, is :alot. he has seen mi cry, laugh, crazy, stressed, happie, sad. we haf been there for each other throughout alot of ups n downs. i noe i can totally be myself in front of him, n so does he. he makes mi feel veri comfortable, veri loved. the most valuable feeling he is able to giv mi, is dat he makes mi feel so assured dat he wun fall for another person. though i noe i shudnt believe in dis anymore as ive taught myself, but he is realli able to giv mi dis kind of assurance, which i treasure alot. he makes mi know the word, 'trust'.

ultimately, i haf to tink thru all dis slowly n carefully now, before i make a final decision. to patch or not to patch is a big issue to mi. i dun like relationship to tear n mend frequently, thus im going to make a careful decision. wad i noe is, true love sees no appearance. if im able to convince myself dat i dun mind bout our appearance differences, i'll noe i haf met my true love.

onli qn is, is true love based on feelings purely or based on things u haf gone thru together?
dun ask mi, i am searching for an answer.

to lead a happy life at {10:43 PM}
________________ . . . . _______________

Crestfallen

*elaine
*e.MouSe
*26.jan.85
*emouse26@yahoo.com
*elaine_cheng26@hotmail.com
*uol year 3 student
*loves garfield
*loves fann wong
*loves pampering myself
*cherish people who heart me
*adores all pretty babes on earth

Yearning for

♥a peaceful life♥

now: yearning for a happy life and excellent results.

♥My Wish List♥

♥nice laptop pouch
♥good earphones
♥white tote
♥gold gucci tote
♥guess perfume
♥burberry weekend
♥trip to hongkong
♥trip to taiwan
♥trip to australia
♥trip to japan
♥lotsa money to buy things for myself & everybody i love

♥Dearies♥