to lead a free and happy life, with all the right people!♥♥♥

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

mind is in a blank, lately keep feeling like posting blog to express my emotions n moods, but words dun seem enough to describe. if only i cud type in chi. it might have been better. T.H.E..E.N.D. is spelt dis way, is written dis way. T.H.E..E.N.D.

our story has closed its chapter, n i dunno how to feel. sorrow, upset, helpless, self-detest, all emotions seem to be drained out of me. for days i cry n cry, till eyes become swollen, till appetite all gone. for days i feel nuthing, numb, no tears no nothing. but i told myself, i know it will all pass.

i used to think i wun get over ken, but i did.
i used to tink i wun fall in love again, but i did.
so now, i believe my darkest days will pass, n i hope it will.
life is strange, at certain point u juz feel dat u wun be able to survive, but at another point u suddenly wake up n realize u can, after all.
i haf been grudging myself, my parents n many others for too long. for causing us to separate, for causing us so much pain. cant seem to get the point ard, but suddenly i wake up n finally feel dat, our breakup is a must, is a benefit for mi, for him, for all others. it took mi so long. so long to open up the knot in my heart, to realize it's not for others, but for myself dat i shud let go.

i did a courageous move, i praise myself, though the pain was so intense. it had nv been more painful to say dat last bon voyage to him n walked away, without turning back at all. i felt dat dat was the greatest courage i could ever muster up. n it's gone, everything is finally over. though i have woken up, n untied my own knot, but i cant deny my heart is still bleeding. wad i need now is juz time, i guess, n space. my own space, to cry whenever i wan, to laugh whenever i wan, to forget, to roam ard, to immerse myself in all memories and finally letting them fade away.

i guess i've been brave, didnt turn to my sisters nor buddies (not to say my lost bro). but was glad dat junhao was there all dis while, aiding mi to carry on. im so tired, really so tired. but i dun wan to tire out my best buds n sis ard mi, i guess they dun wish to hear more bout my prob, it has been with mi for so long. i know i've been useless, dat my tears still flow after so long, but sometimes when we go out as a group, i really couldnt control my tears, not dat i feel gd spoiling others' mood. dats y i'll rather roam ard alone, than to drag down u guys.

anyway, i am relieved now, dat i opened up my knot with my own hands. i guess wad i need now is juz healing. n i really love n cherish my parents more than ever. perhaps things r juz meant to happen, dat i'll walk dis path, only to gain from it after all.

-a tired n worn out soul-

to lead a happy life at {10:34 PM}
________________ . . . . _______________

Crestfallen

*elaine
*e.MouSe
*26.jan.85
*emouse26@yahoo.com
*elaine_cheng26@hotmail.com
*uol year 3 student
*loves garfield
*loves fann wong
*loves pampering myself
*cherish people who heart me
*adores all pretty babes on earth

Yearning for

♥a peaceful life♥

now: yearning for a happy life and excellent results.

♥My Wish List♥

♥nice laptop pouch
♥good earphones
♥white tote
♥gold gucci tote
♥guess perfume
♥burberry weekend
♥trip to hongkong
♥trip to taiwan
♥trip to australia
♥trip to japan
♥lotsa money to buy things for myself & everybody i love

♥Dearies♥